Student and Teacher

Together on the Path

Tenzin Wangyal Rinpoche responds to a student's question about cutting through one's pride and pain identity, from the 2022 spring retreat at Serenity Ridge.

Student: In my practice it feels like the pain identity has a pride element to it. How can I be assertive and cut through this pride without developing anger or aversion toward it?

Rinpoche: Very good question. It applies to many, many things that we have been talking about.

As I always say, knowing and judging are different. Sharing and criticizing are different. It's a development when you realize how different those responses are. If I happen to be sad, then I'm just aware that I'm sad, rather than judging my sadness.

It's similar to the way that a mother who is very open, very loving and not stressed out, responds when a child cries out. Will the mother take it personally? Of course not. What does that mother do? In the same way, when your own tears are coming and you are crying with sadness, then behave like the mother. You are aware of that sadness, but you're not labeling anything. Like that mother to the crying child, you are accommodating with that openness, with that connection, with that warmth. Your awareness is the mother, and that pain is the child. You accommodate that way. Similarly in practice, if a sense of pride or any emotion arises, simply be aware of that.