Navigating Life's Transitions by the Light of Awareness

An Edited Excerpt from Oral Teachings by Tenzin Wangyal Rinpoche, Fall 2018

Transitions are happening all of the time in our life. In our body, every cell is changing. In our consciousness, emotions change from one to another. Sometimes love can become anger, other times anger can become love. Transitions are happening all the time. But if during any single transition, awareness is there, then that can change everything. So the opportunity to practice is always there in terms of any single emotion, any single thought or any single decision.

Our awareness of these daily transitions is a good place to take a closer look, for all of us. Often it's as if in the dark of the night you are walking along a path and suddenly you a come upon a juncture. You can just make out that there are two directions in which you can go. And you can see that there is a kind of sign there clarifying where each path leads, but you can't really see it clearly in the dark. Yet you have to move. In which direction are you going to choose to go, the path to the right or the path to the left?

The most helpful thing to have there at that juncture would of course be a torch! A lamp that you could shine in each direction. Doing so, you might see that on the path to the right there's a steep rise, and there's a tree, there's a boulder, and there is a sign. Then pointing the torch to the left you would see whatever is up ahead on that path. Reading all of the signs clearly, you'll know better which direction to move, and then you'll proceed. It's clear, though, that it was mainly the torch that helped lead you in the direction you chose. Without the torch what would you do? You wouldn't know which way to go. That's what we call lost. I got lost in the dark, because I did not have a light.

Here the awareness of the transition is the torch. Just think about that when you come to a juncture in your daily life. I have a torch. I always have a torch. I have a torch which doesn't require a battery—a primordially illuminated torch. So at any transition it's just a matter of remembering, I have a torch. And then you look.

So at any juncture, instead of operating immediately through the pain body or pain speech or pain mind, know that you have some options, some space, some time–you do–to rest and connect and to look closely, and take your time, and then make a decision, or move, or speak. But before that, recall the gifts that you have and use them.

Whenever we get into a very emotional discussion and are ready to express something, it often goes like this–you have a point that you want to make, and there are all these emotions surrounding it. Some of them are necessary and some are not necessary, some of them are absolutely necessary, and some you should not even think about, yet you're not only thinking about those, you are even wanting to talk about them. In this way you have all these other things surrounding the point that you want to make.

So then when you do speak up, you lose the point, or you're not able to make it very clearly. Or you may make one point clearly, but then you bring in all the other things. It is actually the pain that you're conveying rather than the point you had wanted to make. The pain and the point are different. And usually the pain loses touch with the point, and then the point is not even conveyed, which then makes it hard for the one listening, as well. In this way people lose themselves in the pain and emotions of their speech.

It could also be done very simply, though. The feelings could all be there, yet you are able to express the point very clearly. In this way the pain is not overtaking the point. So when you are ready to say something to someone, or ready to leave a message, it's nice to have a little meditation there separating the points from the pains and emotions. At that moment, the pause is helpful. Otherwise, after you've hit the send button, it's too late.

We know that most of the time these instantly driven reactions of emotion are not good. Knowing that they're not good, we say, I'm not going to go that way. I'm going to use all of the gifts that I have; I'm going to take time, I can listen more carefully to all of the story, I can look deeper into the story, I can reflect on both sides of the story, I can take time. And then from there we will act with body, speak with speech and decide with mind. In that way, whatever transition you are facing will be easy. You see, every moment we are in these transitions.

And importantly, when you succeed in a transition in this way, be grateful, be thankful, be joyful. Not because you were able to transit this one event. Rather, it's because you have a bigger understanding and it manifested in your realizing right there in the midst of one particular moment in your life. That's a greater joy than the joy of simply managing to deal with one small problem. Because it’s more an overall awareness that you are gaining hold of, and that you are able to see through, rather than you're simply handling a single arising of a problem that, at the end of the day, may or may not be a problem.

This is comparable to the difference between your completing a comprehensive driving test, and your passing just one single test at one specific junction along the road to Serenity Ridge, say. Passing the comprehensive test, you will then be able to use those driving skills in harder junctures and transitions still to come. So each time you have success at a particular juncture, feel the joy of the practice from that much wider view, with the recognition that, I need to have ways in which I can transit all of the junctures. That is what I am interested in and learning, not just getting through this one particular transition.

If one remembers to keep one's light on through, first, this one transition and then that transition, and this transition, and that transition, then with each successive transition the understanding grows, Okay I can handle this one, okay I can handle that one, I can handle this one, and on and on. I can handle it, I can handle it, I can handle it. And when you begin to have that mantra, then you are doing well. It's like a chain of, I can handle it. You don't want to fall into the chain of, I can't handle it. The I can chain starts with the little transitions at first, and then moves to the medium ones, and from there to the bigger transitions. And of course the biggest transition is when the moment of death comes.

That is how it develops and grows, with the specific situations in your life, which are the junctures we transit every day. So, how are we doing bringing those to light? Good? It’s really amazing, all the choices we are faced with, because at many of those junctions we get lost. We don't feel good, we say the wrong thing, we do the wrong thing, and we wish to do the right thing, we wanted to do the right thing, but we end up doing the wrong thing at those junctions, those transitions. When there is more light at the junctions to which we come and are unsure of, that light will help us come to know which direction to go. In the same way, if there is more of a sense of awareness there at any transition, it will help you; help you to cope, help you to move on, and also help you to manage the tensions and stress much better. Is that clear?

The truth, though, is that the torch is always there, it is always lit, always luminous. You simply just have to recognize that it's there. So it's not a matter of getting the torch lit, but more a question of recognizing that it’s already on. For example, in trying to resolve a specific conflict or transition in life, some may do it better than others. The not-so-good way is when one exhibits their fear, their weakness, their dark side, and it manifests at that juncture. However, that doesn't mean that the light is not on, the light is there. The better way to navigate that juncture arises when one is aware of that light, and the light helps them transit that situation. Either way, though, the light is always there. So it's a matter of trusting that the light is there, and not wanting to obscure it, I want to see it and use it. So your work is not to light the light, instead it’s more a focus on not obscuring it. However, rather than trying forcefully to not obscure it, the way toward not obscuring the light is through trust, rest, peace, breathing deeper, connecting deeper. And then, look for the light and the light is there!

Looking at the nature of the practices that we do, that's the way that I guide them; just settle down first, then reflect. Settle, and then reflect. Have you noticed that I guide every practice in that way? And that's how I plan to guide all future practices, as well [laughs]. Why? Because that's how you light any transition. Not by effort. Not by stress. For sure not by anger or by pain. How you light any transition is by recognition through resting. Do you see? There are two aspects there: recognition through resting. That's what you do, you bring the meditation to mind and you recognize and rest.

It's common in this meditation for some to feel, I'm resting so well, so now why do I have to reflect on this life or this one situation or that situation? But that's the whole point of the practice. When you do this exercise and you rest and you breathe deep, the question then is, have you found the torch? I'm guessing that you've found the torch. Even just a little one. Maybe you didn't find the steady burning candle flame protected by glass, but you found the burning match, which illuminates the darkness for just a short time and then goes out. Even so, in that moment of seeing by the light of your match, at least you will know better that it's not this way to go but rather that way. That's helpful. And if you haven't found any torch at all, then you simply rest again, connect again.

So you bring attention to your body and rest. And when you simply rest there, you have more chances to see. And from there we can be aware of any emotions, any thought, and any effort. Effort is a very important word here in dzogchen. Because, you can have some emotions which are very light, very flowing, very transparent, joyful emotions, and they are nice. And other emotions, they obscure, they are heavy, they're painful. Those emotions arise from an identity of effort. In one sense, even though everything may look good, there's still this subtle effort of the identity, I am resting. The subtle identity of I am trying to rest. And this little subtle identity of one who is trying to rest is another kind of obscuration which obscures the light that is already illuminated. It doesn't allow you to see it shining. So the light is always on, but all these different layers obscure it. In Buddhism they are called the 84,000 afflictions. And all of the different kinds of underlying afflictions are different layers of self identity. For instance, the effort to meditate is one layer—a nice one, but a layer nonetheless. And it also obscures the light. When you simply go ahhh (exhales), and rest further, Oh, the light is on. Then you see it.

Recognition through resting. And each time we practice, you'll notice that I begin with something like, Come here into this moment. That's because generally you're not aware of you're being here in the moment. So you check. Are you here? When you say, yes, then you are here. Until then it is questionable. Clear?