Fully Knowing Yourself and Becoming Lighter Along the Way

An Edited Excerpt from Oral Teachings by Tenzin Wangyal Rinpoche, August 2020

The dzogchen teachings introduce us to the idea of self-recognition. We are all familiar with the guru yoga prayer. Within it there is the request, help me to recognize myself. That is a very important part of the prayer. I don't know how much awareness you bring to that line, but it's important. If you haven't brought so much attention there in the past, then you should.

Help me to recognize myself. And feel that I really want to know myself.

We are always curious about other people, aren't we? However, it's important to be curious about yourself and, eventually, come to a deep desire to fully know yourself. Knowing yourself is, in a way, knowing through the three doors of body, speech and mind; the doors are an entrance. I want to know myself through the door of body. I want to know myself through the door of speech. I want to know myself through the door of mind or heart.

Many times, though, what commonly occurs is that I exit through my body. I exit through my speech. I exit through my mind, my heart—I get so emotional about everything and take everything personally. This is a typical characteristic of human beings. No matter what's going on in the world, in the news; or no matter who is talking to you, whether friends or family, immediately you feel this sense of, you are talking about me! Even when I am simply teaching, people will say, “You are talking about me.” I am not talking about you personally. I am talking about human beings. We have so many commonalities. If I'm talking about anybody, I am talking about myself. You happen to be very similar to me, that's why you think I'm talking about you. We take everything so personally. And every time we take things personally, it hurts, it impacts.

The way it's taken personally is by the “pain identity” not by the “infinite possibilities identity.” When someone is open to their infinite possibilities, then no matter what you throw at them, everything is a means of support. Everything is a door to growth. No matter what is said, no matter what is done, they grow, they flourish, they expand. But from the point of view of their pain identity, no matter how many beautiful, lovely things you say to them, they will respond with, “Why are you saying so many nice things to me? Do you think I need that? Do you think I'm weak?” So no matter what you say, it doesn't work.

When we use these three doors of body, speech and mind as an exit, the impact of that disconnection affects all our dimensions. It impacts the body, so the body becomes not very healthy. It impacts speech, our communication skills and methods, so we hold a lot of pain; we suppress things, exaggerate, fight or argue. There is no balance in our communication. And it impacts our heart, our mind—either we feel so much emotion and less thought, or we don't stop thinking and feeling. The result is that there is no balance of any of these activities. These all are signs of disconnections, signs of the pain identity.

That is typically what happens. But we can use the three doors as an entrance into answering this question of who we really are. Maybe it's hard to know deeply who we are, but you can start by becoming clear that you are not what you think you are. That's for sure.

So if you don't know who you are, start by recognizing for instance that you are not what you do. You may be used to saying, “I'm a lawyer.” No, you are not a lawyer. You have a job playing a role of lawyer. That's clear. We constantly refer to ourselves as, I am this, or I am that. Habitually we will say, “I am sick.” But no, you are not sick. You have symptoms, you have some experiences, but you don't identify as the sickness. You don't identify as your weakness. You don't identify as your pain. You are none of what you do. You're none of what you think. You are none of what you are feeling. These are all experiences arising in a much bigger space. If you lose that bigger space, every single experience is going to affect you negatively. Even good ones will affect you negatively. Even if you have a beautiful experience of love, it will not last, because there is no container for it.

The first step is to recognize that we have been misidentifying ourselves with these experiences. It's very, very important to recognize that. It looks like a very simple thing, a not very sophisticated thing, but it affects us all in our everyday life, day and night, dream and sleep. It affects all of our actions, how we see ourselves. When we say dzogchen, the great perfection, what it means is every knowledge, every quality, is perfected in you. You are very valuable. You are a precious human being. You have a precious life. You have this jewel in you. You are pure. You are Buddha. You are Kuntu Zangpo. That's what the teaching says. That's what we are trying to learn.

But in our ordinary sense of our identity, each person has a different set of things that they identify as themselves. One of the very common ones that we all go back and forth about is self-worth. I am not good enough. I am not a good enough father. I am not a good enough teacher. I am not a good enough husband. I am not a good enough person. Whatever it is. And then you project your life based on the sense that you are that unworthiness.

For example, in a relationship you will be doing a lot of things to please the other person. Even as a parent, it manifests. You think, maybe I'm not a good enough parent, so you buy a lot of gifts for your child. They're not asking for gifts. They don't need gifts. Maybe they will tell you, “I don't need the gift. I don't need that.” Why are you giving? Because you feel that you want to be a good parent.

Or you are in relationship with your partner and you try to do too many things for them, to the point, that your partner is feeling bothered. “Leave me alone, give me a break, give me some space.” No, I want to be nice to you, because I don't feel good enough. I know you are not looking at me as worthy of you, so I'm trying to do my best so that you see me as worthy. Then maybe I will feel a little worthiness through your seeing it in me.

Every single issue that we have in society is rooted in that single point of identity with what you are not. Even the disease in our body is connected to that identity. Even the heaviness in our body is connected to that identity. Even the heaviness in the family collective pain stories is connected to that identity. Even the blockages in our body are connected. Even when you cannot feel free, breathe free while you are sitting with someone, enjoy some sense of freedom and space. You cannot feel that because of that identity.

These stories, these pains, these sicknesses, these blockages, are what we are trying to overcome. When they are overlooked long enough, they particularly manifest in our body. Every sickness in your body, every pain in your body, every blockage, even numbness in some area of your body, not enough blood flow, not enough prana flow, not enough fire for the digestive systems, not enough space and energy so that the body is self-regulating or self-disciplining or self-healing. It's not because someone else is blocking you. Rather, these thoughts are blocking, these emotions are blocking. The single source of all of these blockages is one's identity. Your particular identity is not able to be known by anyone else—you are the only one who knows it.

We can try to have a better relationship to our body, a better relationship to our speech, a better relationship to our mind and heart. At least becoming lighter, getting rid of all the heaviness, heavy stories, all the pain, sickness, all of the different kinds of heaviness. We are trying in the teachings and the practices to liberate these. We are talking about transforming all of these, turning them all into much more of a sense of lightness.

We are transforming and bringing lightness in the ways that we look at ourselves—our body, speech, mind, our qualities, and our action. Our body is the doorway to our self-realization. Our speech is the doorway to our self-realization. Our mind is the doorway to our self-realization. Our qualities are the doorway to our self-realization. Our creativity, our actions, are the doorway to our self-realization. That's what it is.

Healing is not something you make; it is something that happens when you allow it. Our body, our mind, our relationships have a natural way of healing themselves. When you don't block them, grasp them, control them, manipulate them, suppress them, the healing happens by itself.

So our practice is not a matter of our really trying to do something; it's more like not doing all that we do, so that the magic and healing can happen. We are not trying to make healing happen. We are trying simply to clear the blockages. Blockages are the result of doing extra things that we should not be doing. That's clear, right?