Student and Teacher

Together on the Path

As students on the Tibetan Bön Buddhist path, we offer our teachers a range of questions from the simple to the complex. Here is a question about recognizing how we understand our boundaries.

Student: I have great difficulty with understanding the right boundaries in my relationships with others. I have been trying to open, to transform, to change, not by forcing but by allowing. And I am a little bit lost about how to recognize the right boundaries.

Tenzin Wangyal Rinpoche: The nature of reality, the truth, is boundless. Who we are is boundless. But our individuality is bounded. Our personality is bounded. Our capacity is limited. It always has to do with the boundaries that we develop from individual to individual. Sometimes we just feel the need to create a boundary so that we feel more protected. That's okay, there are times when you need to do that. Respect that feeling. And create that boundary for that moment.

But you also need to think: I need this boundary now to protect myself, but this boundary should go away as soon as possible when I get my strength back, when I feel my inner refuge again, when I get my clarity and strength back. Then this boundary should not be there anymore.

The boundary is not your liberation. The boundary is not your final destination. When you create a boundary, you should not think that it should be forever. When you think that a boundary is forever, you are closing the door to the boundlessness.

So you need to feel protected by the boundary but also feel protected by the boundlessness, because in the true sense, our protection is not a boundary. Our true protection is without boundaries, where you are feeling that you have nothing to lose. You are no one and you have nothing to lose. Then what do you need the protection from?

But you are not no one. You are someone and therefore you need to be protected from some things. Therefore, you are naturally creating boundaries, and that's your limitation, not your strength. But in the journey of boundlessness, you need to respect your boundaries.