Student and Teacher

Together on the Path

As students on the Tibetan Bön Buddhist path, we offer our teachers a range of questions from the simple to the complex. Here we share an edited excerpt of a question and answer from the 2019 Summer Retreat at Serenity Ridge related to how we, as students on the path, can support and help those we care about.

Student: His Holiness mentioned doing mantra for someone else. Is there anything different or any specific way of doing it for someone else?

TWR: The simplest way to do it is to set up the intention to do it for someone else. Then while you are reciting the mantra, you are aware of the person you are doing it for. When you finish, you don't forget that you are doing it for someone else, and then you do the dedication for that person. That's the simplest way to do it, right?

A little more complicated way would be this: When you are doing it for someone else, for example, the reason you want to do it is to help that person, right? And when you want to help someone else, naturally there is some degree of openness there. So expanding that sense of space.

Sometimes you may feel you really want to help this person, but you are having difficulty helping them. You are having a difficult relationship with them. You want to help but you are not feeling like you are succeeding. What would the problem be? Of course, you would say it's the other person, not realize that it's your own expectation. I see this in many people and I see it in my own life, that sometimes there is a limit to how much you can do for others. I can talk about openness a lot, but I know when someone hits my openness. It's very obvious. [laughter] In that very moment, you realize your limit. And what do you do when you realize your limit? Don't force yourself. Take a break. Go away. Or don‘t go out.

The main thing I am saying is to recognize your limit, take breaks, not do too much, not say too much, not think too much. Remember! Stillness. Silence. Spaciousness. And then realize you are not stopping there. You have work to do. You have expansion to do. It humbles you, but it also makes you realize there is more work to be done.

So helping – including bringing in other people – basically means feeling more space.